What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg.
Play Jokes
Why was Sally sad?
Because she couldn't play pattycake. Sally doesn't have arms.
JACK smoked some shit in the casino bathroom.
Then fucked a slut, played some slots, took some shots, then shot a JOKER!
It's a sad story, because JACK killed himself, but he died with a smile.
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!
Why did Stephen Hawking and his wife stop playing hide and seek? She kept using a metal detector.
Mom, can I please go out and play?
... no answer.
Jace: Haha, I won, dude. You suck at Monopoly!
Timmy: Let's play another game. *GUNSHOT* I guess I won!
Jace: *SCREAMS IN PAIN*
Timmy: What? I thought we were playing Chutes and Ladders!
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!
How do blondes play real-life Jenga?
By stacking humans.
Why couldn't the kid with Down syndrome play football?
Because he got all the downs.
Tibia honest, it takes a lot of spine to memorize all the bones in the skeletal system. I mean, there's a skele-ton of em! You gotta be boned up for the skeletal system exam, buddy chum pal. Now that was a humerus ribtickling skelepun. Besides, if ya don't know all of the bones in the skeletal system, get boned, fucking numbskull. Did those tickle your funny bone? Now I've been working down to the bone typing these puns, kid. Now if you hate all these, I won't be bothered, I got thick skin! But first, lemme take a skelfie in the skelevator playing my trom-bone. Now, I gotta go to Grillby's. They got a discount on spare-ribs. Bone-voyage, my homeslice breadslice dawg.
After the shooting, people were asking why they would do it.
They wanted to stop but it turns out they were playing an online game.
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...
The steaks were pretty high.
I have no puns because I don't play soccer.
"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"
"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."
"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."
One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.
Why did Sally get a black eye?
Because she tried to play patty cake.
What did the skeleton play when he joined the band?
A tromBONE.
I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.
Yo mama so short that when she plays mini golf, it's just called golf.
