Planet jokes

Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"

The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"

A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"

Phobos and Deimos are just asteroids in moon costumes, and Mars was blind due to its frequent sandstorms, so it let Phobos and Deimos be its moons.

I heard that Uranus is pronounced "yuuranus," but it reminded me of urine! 😆

Earth is fun and worstbmaa.

So here's Uranus, where's my anus?

I found an alien in my backyard. I put him to work. He went to a farm, and I never saw him again. Moments later, he is on the Daily Planet acting as a reporter. A green rock smashed my house. I called him back, and he passed out.

I remarked, "You lazy!"

Your mom is so fat that she made the earth flat.

Jo mama so fat that when aliens invaded earth, they said, "Wow, two in one!"

How do you organize a space themed birthday party?

You planet.

How do astronauts have a party?

They planet.

Why is there a hole in Uranus?

What is Saturn's favorite song?

"7 Rings."

Yo mamma so fat, scientists say she's the closest planet to Earth!

Kid: Why is Pluto a dwarf planet?

Kid 2: Why?

Kid: 'Cause it's as short as your dick.

Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.

It's a good thing I'm married.

How do planets have a baby?

They have spasex.

I always knew that Maranda Sings was orbiting Uranus.

If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars, then ladies, you should be willing to give up Uranus.

There's gonna be 8 planets right after I destroy Uranus.

Astronauts just found water on Mars! Mars: 1. Africa: 0.