Phone

Phone jokes

Cookout

    • I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.

    Woman

    • A hot woman called "Jessie" was showering when the phone rang.

    Jessie was upset because the phone wouldn't stop ringing, and she goes out naked from the bathroom to answer the phone in the hall.

    Jessie on the phone: 《Hello? 》

    The one on the phone: 《Oh hi, I'm Jeff, I just wanted to tell you don't go out from your bathroom naked next time because my brother is behind you right now trying to rape you.》

    Jessie: 《Stop it my sister! This is the 10th time you do this cringe joke! It gets boring!》

    But sadly it wasn't a joke, and she cried a lot that night and learned how not to go out naked from the bathroom again.

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    • Phone memes

    Movie

    • Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?

    Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.

    Mom: Can you hear them?

    Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.

    Mom: Why do you think that?

    Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.

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    • Stereotype

    • Puerto Rican teen: I'm a waste, a failure, NUNCA LO PODRA ASER (I'll never be able to do it).

    The mother: AI NINO (OH CHILD).

    The teen: QUE? (WHAT?)

    The mother: NO TE PONGA CON ESTA MIELDA OTRAVES! (DON'T START WITH THIS SHIT AGAIN!)

    The teen: I CAN'T DO SHIT RIGHT MAMA!

    The mother: OOOHHH YEAH WELL TU SI PUEDES ABLAR MIELDA DE TI, I BOTAR BASURA! (YOU SURE CAN TALK CRAP ABOUT YOURSELF AND THROW OUT THE TRASH.)

    The teen: QUAL (WHICH).

    The mother: MADRE DE DIOS (MOTHER OF GOD).

    The teen: AVIA UNA NEGRA I OTRA BLANKA (THERE WAS A BLACK ONE AND WHITE ONE).

    *A phone buzzes.*

    The teen: Whose phone is that, ma?

    Unknown: MR. PRESIDENT IF YOU TAKE AWAY THE CONFEDERATE FLAG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO THE BAD WHITE PEOPLE ARE?

    *Runs to bag, opens white one and sticks hand in.*

    The teen: HAIR GEL

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    • Interaction

    • Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”

    Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”

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    • Sync

    • The Titanic, just like my phone, IT JUST WON'T SYNC.

    Edit: Never mind, it started to sync...

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    • Orphan

    • Alright, so I have a few orphan jokes. I'm gonna put them all in one message.

    Why can't orphans be gay? They have no one to call "daddy."

    Why can't orphans go on a field trip? Parent signature: ______

    New teacher: I used to be an orphan as a kid. Students: hahaha Teacher: Is anyone missing? Students: No one, just your parents.

    Why did the orphan become a prostitute? They kept calling everyone "daddy."

    Why do orphans have the iPhoneX? Because it has no home button.

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    • Mexican

    • A police pulls over a Mexican man trying to get into America. The Mexican man comes up with some sob story and the police say, "All right, all right ok," says the police, "I'll let you go if you can come up with a sentence that has the words green, pink, and yellow in it." The Mexican thought about it long and hard for almost 45 minutes and then the police says, "Ok ok let's hear it" after waiting impatiently. The Mexican said, "Ok ok don't rush me. I'm ready." The Mexican replied, "Ok when my phone green green, I pink it up and say Yellow!"

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