Phone

Phone jokes

Mama

Yo mama is so fat, the doctor asked for her weight, she told her phone number.

Race

I am so disappointed in this race.

Brown skinned street shitters, goddamn, the lowest of the low southeast Asians, lazy monkey pig-dog duck fetus eating rice brainlets always on their phones, no IQ, ugly, uncivilized untermensch subhumans.

People

Why couldn't people have their phone on airplane mode during 9/11?

Because their phone exploded the towers.

Girlfriend

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

Insult

Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?

You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-

(Destroys phone cutely)

Grandma

My Grandma, like any other, got an APPLE IPHONE 12, but as we all know, we get dumb, and so we buy a phone. My grandma did not even know how to use it. She even said, "How do I go on Google?" I told her, "YOU CAN'T!" My grandma was, like, "Yeah right, how do I do it?"

Comment down below, does your grandma do this?

Lie

Karien: Don't care. You know what you did.

Jalie: I don't know what you mean. I did nothing! I'm telling the truth!

Karien: Sure. So you mean you never texted Oerien last night around 2:00 AM?

Jalie: NO, I NEVER DID THAT!

Karien: Jalie, stop the story telling. You were the one who had my phone yesterday. Just stop.

Movie

Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?

Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.

Mom: Can you hear them?

Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.

Mom: Why do you think that?

Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.

Death

Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?

Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.

Charger

Charger: Yo, Phone.

Phone: Yeah?

Charger: Can I plug all in you?

Phone: Ayooo!

Teacher

A Chinese teacher's phone rang as he was going to class, and he said:

"My phone the ring ring, it's my wife ring ring."

Kid

Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?

A. Nothing, they both die at ten.

Number

I broke up with my ex girlfriend. Here's her number.

Sike, that's the wrong number!

ooooooooooooooooooooo

Weight

You're so fat that when you got on the scales, they said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

iPhone

Why do Japanese people hate iPhones? Because they're scared that American airdrops will fall on them.