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Personal jokes

Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?

Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.

The person to make the first cannabinol cookbook had a wife and ate (eight) children.

If a person walks off a hundred-foot cliff and halfway down screams, "Why did I do that?" Then a second person walks off the same one-hundred-foot cliff and screams the same verse, "Why did I do that?" Then another person walks off the cliff and screams the same line, "Why did I do that," and the next person does the same thing. What do you call that?

(Stupid People)

A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs.

"For the last time, Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!"

The man with glasses frowns.

"Where did all the others go, then?"

Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?

A: Look in a mirror.

I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.

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    • I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"

    Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?

    Good thing it was a "soft" drink!

    Person 1: "Hey, I created a new word!"

    Person 2: "What is it?"

    Person 1: "Plagiarism!"

    Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?

    Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.

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    • "Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.

    There was a fancy dress party; the theme was emotions.

    One guy came dressed in green, and he was envy; another person came dressed in red, and she was anger; another guy came dressed in blue, and he was sadness. Two Indians came, one came with a hole in a pear and his d*** was in the pear, said he was deep in dis"pear." The other Indian came with his d*** in custard, and he said he was f***ing dicustard!

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    • An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."

    The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."

    The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."

    The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!

    A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."

    My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.

    So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.

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