Person jokes

Personally, I think putting beans on toast is better than bullets in children.

I was watching The Conjuring with an emo person. She said she likes the part where the girl was hanging. I said, "Why? Because you wish it were you?"

POV: A person made you mad, but you're Chinese and they have a cat. "CHING CHONG, CHING CHONG, CHING CHONG, BITCH."

@ Kobe the person under my joke, your hairline is so bad that Kobe Bryant could've lived if he landed the helicopter on your forehead.

What is the difference between a fat person and a whole pizza?

Well, a whole pizza cannot eat a fat person.

What do you call an Indian?

Person in red. Cart a pack of Maltesers.

Q. What do you call a rich person who is in a vegetative state?

A. A loaded potato.

What does a white person say when they're surrounded by black guys? "Hey, who turned the lights out?!"

Shower thought: If everyone had schizophrenia, no one would know we had schizophrenia or know what it is!

Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?

Because they took a day off.

Normally the reason you don't get a knife when you ask for one is because the person you asked is emo.

"9/11" or just "7-Eleven" to a Mexican person.

Symptoms of Schizophrenia

The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:

Delusions

Hallucinations

I was in the car, and I got out and saw a deer walking sexy, and I'm like, "What the..."

During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.

I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.

Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”

My friend was the only one who laughed.

So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.

Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.

Anyways, she cried lol.

I'm doing a new thing where you say an object in the comments, and I will try to make a joke based off the object.

If you are interested, you can submit an object in the comments.

I will give the person credit each joke I do.

Bill Cosplay

Why be homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist when you can be quiet?

I'M SHORTTT!