Person jokes
What do you call someone in a wheelchair being pushed by a cannibal?
A to-go order.
How did black people learn to steal sports cars?
By playing GTA nonstop.
What do you call a talentless Korean person? Us Lee Less!
The penalty for a homeless person being caught stealing bread is an expensive, luxurious prison cell, which is located indoors and comes with free bread and water.
Aren't our governments wizards? Scrooge would be proud.
Is it just me or is your personality fake as well? Can't tell because everything about you is.
What kind of car does an Indian person drive? A Pri-yas.
What do Jews and Black people have in common?
Living off welfare checks.
If a girl is vegan and she's dating a transgender person, does that mean she's eating fake meat too?
How do fat people settle arguments?
By seeing who can eat the most at a buffet.
Putin is the only person whose country is bigger than his mind.
Depressed person: *chokes on food*
*involuntary coughs until they can breathe*
"AWWW! I failed the race!"
Why did the suicidal person cross the road?
To slow down traffic!
Would a depressed person enjoy a cat scratch? After all, it's a free slice.
Isn't it ironic that the actually nice people tend to be suicidal?
Think about it: suicide exists to make sure bad people bother each other instead.
DEPRESSION SPEEDRUN starter-kit:
* Parental issues * Money problems * Genetic likeliness * Horrible friends * Annoying neighbors/classmates * School * Being alive * Actually being a good person for once * Giving a f#ck * War-ridden area * All future options kinda suck
In his dream, some people gave the Hodja nine gold coins, but Hodja wanted ten. So he refused them. Suddenly, he awoke and saw that his hands were empty. So, he quickly closed his eyes again and said, "It's okay, I'll take the nine coins."
What did the female farmer say to the person who raises a male chicken? "Nice cock!"
Fritzchen was supposed to remember three sentences. He asks his mother, "Mom, do you have any news?" The mother replies angrily, "Stop it!"
Fritzchen goes to see his father, who is watching a football match. When a goal is scored, he shouts, "That's it!"
Finally, he asks his sister, "Sister, do you have anything to say?" She is currently reading a story about a fool and says, "He is the dumbest person in the world!"
The next day at school, the teacher asks, "Fritzchen, did you learn the phrases?" Fritzchen replies, "Stop it!" The teacher is shocked: "Fritzchen! Don't say that to me. Go to the principal immediately!" Fritzchen shouts, "That's it!" Arriving at the principal's office, he asks, "Who do you think I am?" Fritzchen promptly replies, "He's the dumbest person in the world!"
What do you call someone with no arms and no legs?
A nugget.
What’s something you can say about a fat person, but not about strippers?
Those legs sure hold a lot of weight.