Person jokes
You're tiny!
What does Stephen Hawking eat?
Khalil Abubakar
Taylor.
Shower thought: If everyone had schizophrenia, no one would know we had schizophrenia or know what it is!
Memes
Q. What do you call a rich person who is in a vegetative state?
A. A loaded potato.
Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?
Because they took a day off.
"9/11" or just "7-Eleven" to a Mexican person.
Symptoms of Schizophrenia
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
I was in the car, and I got out and saw a deer walking sexy, and I'm like, "What the..."
During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.
I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.
Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”
My friend was the only one who laughed.
So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.
Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.
Anyways, she cried lol.
Bill Cosplay
I'm doing a new thing where you say an object in the comments, and I will try to make a joke based off the object.
If you are interested, you can submit an object in the comments.
I will give the person credit each joke I do.
Why be homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist when you can be quiet?
I'M SHORTTT!
"Watch out, there's an iceberg!"
Other person: "We will be fine."
10 minutes later, drowns, says, "We will be fine."
What do you call a black person?
Black.
I can't sleep, that's because you're dead.
What kind of person will steal Captain Hook's hook?
Answer: A hooker.