Percent jokes
Do you know why they call me battery saver?
I get turned on when it’s below 10%.
Why are quadriplegics so unsympathetic? Because they only have feeling in 10% of their body.
Yesterday on the school bus my friend in front of me said she was 41% Irish and 15% Mexican.
Then my friend sitting next to me said, “Wow, almost half leprechaun!”
Then I said, “Yeah, and 15 percent wall climber!”
Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?
Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.
Do you love water?
Then you love 75% of me!
Why do orphans like Spider-Man?
100% of them are like him!
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
Setting: Funeral Home
Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.
Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.
Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?
Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.
Customer: Okay?
Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.
By: MiniMemorials.com
What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent?
"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!"
What’s a German’s favorite drink? Orange Jews. Hundred percent concentrated.
Yo mamma so fat that she like that ocean, we haven't even explored 5% of her yet.
I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.
Do you love water?
Then you love 75% of me.
Even though I look completely white, I am apparently 70% black!
Until I realized that it was a mouth swab test.
I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.
My cousin called me ugly.
Well, I'm pretty sure 90% of her looks could be wiped away with a Kleenex.
85% of us are good at school, while the other 15% is good at suicide.
(Teach me your ways, 15%.)
90,900,00,1090,279402% of girls are raped. 67% of women are raped. So I guess girls are sexier than women! Who agrees? Please comment: Good or Bad.
What are Africans composed of?
99% Coca-Cola.