New Percent Jokes

What’s a German’s favorite drink? Orange Jews. Hundred percent concentrated.

I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.

What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent?

"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!"

Do you know why they call me battery saver?

I get turned on when it’s below 10%.

Even though I look completely white, I am apparently 70% black!

Until I realized that it was a mouth swab test.

If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀

97 percent of women...

90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.

Want to save 50% on your Chinese?

Just ask before you pay.

85% of us are good at school, while the other 15% is good at suicide.

(Teach me your ways, 15%.)

I'm 50% human, so that 50% stupid is 100% you.

What are Africans composed of?

99% Coca-Cola.

Me: Hey friend!

Friend: Yes?

Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, smelling, _, tasting, hearing.

Friend: Touch.

Me: What do you spawn on Minecraft always? (jk only 99.99%)

Friend: Grass.

Me: And you get?

Friend: Touch grass.

90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.

I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.

What is an orphan's favorite movie? Hint, not Home Alone. It's actually Batman, 'cause they are 50% the same as him.

Yesterday on the school bus my friend in front of me said she was 41% Irish and 15% Mexican.

Then my friend sitting next to me said, “Wow, almost half leprechaun!”

Then I said, “Yeah, and 15 percent wall climber!”

Your life literally is as valuable as a summer ant. I'm just gonna stomp you, you're gonna keep coming back, I'm gonna seal up all my cracks, you're gonna keep coming back, why? Cause you keep smelling the syrup, you worthless bitchass nlgga! You're gonna stay on my dick until you die. You serve no purpose in life, your purpose in life is to be on my stream sucking on my dick daily. Your purpose in life is to be in that chat blowing a dick daily. Your life is nothing, you serve ZERO purpose. You should kill yourself, NOW! And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen and ozone layer that's covered up so we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Cause what are you here for? To worship me? Kill yourself! I mean that with a hundred percent with a thousand percent.