Percentage jokes

What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?

5% of atheists have seen a ghost.

5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.

Do you love water?

Then you love 75% of me!

I took a pole today. 100% of the people in the tent were unhappy that it collapsed.

3.14% of sailors are pirates.

I'm 50% human, so that 50% stupid is 100% you.

I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off. I didn't know back to school sales were already starting.

9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.

They say people are 75% water.

But I'm 100% useless.

85% of us are good at school, while the other 15% is good at suicide.

(Teach me your ways, 15%.)

Funny things or weird things to say to someone.

Hey... have you kissed a girl before? Weird things to say to someone.

It's hard to find friends that [are] 91% funny, 100% nice, and 1000000% good-looking. Funny!

Weird names to call a girl: Sweetums.

Baby-Bugga-Boo.

Fuzzkins.

Lumpy.

Nilly.

Ninty Minty.

and SEXY WITCH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Gross that's why I am not getting a bf!

How did Steven Hawkings die?

His wife tripped over his charging plug when he was at 2% battery.

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.

I only believe in 12.5% of the bible. I'm an EIGTHeyist.

I C U P works on 88% of people.

97 percent of women...

I am right 95 percent of the time, who cares about that other 5 percent?

3.14% of sailors are... π-rates.

Did you know that..

Studies show 9 in 10 Americans do not have basic math skills.

Oh, thank god I'm in that 1%.

I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.

This is a lot like anal sex.

You always miss 100% of the shots if you don't take it.

90,900,00,1090,279402% of girls are raped. 67% of women are raped. So I guess girls are sexier than women! Who agrees? Please comment: Good or Bad.