People jokes

Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.

Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?

Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.

Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.

Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.

Me: ...

Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.

The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.

Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."

Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"

Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."

Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

My grandpa kept warning the people on the Titanic that the boat was going to sink. Result: he got kicked out of the movie theater.

Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!

A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.

What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.

What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.

what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?

people go there to fix their mistakes.

The reason why people are short is because their dad never came back with the milk.

I’m like an escalator because I’m always letting people down.

It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.

I know 5 fat people, and your mama is 4 of them.

Sup peoples?

I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!

What is the difference between a dwarf and a midget?

Very little.

I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.

I see them hang all day.

Just hire some people to be fake parents and print off an adoption paper. On April Fools', just leave them there at the orphanage! APRIL FOOLS!

I’ll make a joke about homeless people, but they just don’t work.

Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.

Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.

In reality, I like killing myself.

If I'm racist to everybody, am I even racist?

What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?

They both hang.