Don't drink and park. Accidents cause people.
Why do tell actors to "break a leg"? Because every play has a cast.
Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight? A: They get their shit packed the night before.
What died on 9/11?
2,996 people.
Whats the difference between paul walker an a pc
When my pc crashes i actually give a fuck
Not all self harmers are emo but all emos self harm.
Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because "two wongs don't make a white."
Five out of six people agree that Russian Roulette is safe.
God, people are so sensitive these days. You can't even say paint the wall black, you have to say, Jamal, could you paint the wall?
Bro I love hanging out with white people, its either we play Yahtzee Or We Playin Nazi
Who are the fastest readers in the world.? Answer.9/11 victims they went through 80 stories in 5 seconds
At weddings, old people tell kids "you're next". At funerals, little kids tell old people "you're next".
I don't like it when people make jokes about 9/11, because we lost 19 great patriots that day.
People see this Rolex and they kill themselves. Motherfuckrr that's a suicide watch
There will be no school shooter joke today in honor of the 10 people killed in the Colorado grocery store shooting. R.I.P
i tried a pun about water but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain they are usually just being a beach
Vegans:Save the Earth Normal People:Were trying to but you guys keep eating it
why were the people during 911 mad because they ordered pepperoni sandwiches but they got two planes.
Why don't Amish people water ski?
Because their horses would drown.
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds. An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town's cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: "You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I'll let you live. If you don't, I'll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive." But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happenedd to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell me where the loot is, I'll shoot him here and now." Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: "He said, 'You don't have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.'"