People

People jokes

Road

Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"

Klondike Bar

People often ask me what I would do for a Klondike bar. Well, I'd straight up put 5 hijackers on Flight 175 before it departed from Logan Airport at 8:14 a.m. on September 11, 2001.

Memes

Plant

9 people walked into Bunnings Warehouse.

2 people bought plants.

3 people bought shovels.

1 person yelled.

3 people left Bunnings Warehouse.

1 person was me. I guess those three people are fired! ๐Ÿ’โ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€๏ธ

Poem

I know this is a really bad poem, but I'll do it anyway 'cause I have nothing else to do.

'Twas so pretty a night, with people all asleep. Everyone's dreaming of that candy apple treat, and a palace. But alas! No, it's all a dream. Even eating ice cream, it's all a dream! Why can't I have this? Why can't I have that? BUT NO! It's just hitting you like a bat. YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE IT, you say to yourself. All for me, all for me, and et cetera. It goes on and on. But why wish for riches? You're already rich enough. If you have a device, then take my advise, if you were poor you would have spent the money on food, like honey, not something that... OF ALL THINGS IS GOOGLE!

Like I said, it's really bad. :(

Handicap

Trump wants people to think he's a great golfer. But the only handicap he has is a mental one.

USA

What is the best thing about gay people?

They're gay about being gay even though they're gonna get shot in the USA. Wait, that rhymes!

Son

Son: Daddy, what's dark humor?

Dad: See that man over there with no arms or legs? Go tell him to stand up and clap.

Son: But Daddy, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly.

Answer

Why do some people keep posting lame jokes about 9/11?

Answer; Because they are STUPID LOSERS!

Mozart

Mozart doesn't care if Bach is better than him; at least he puts a lot of emotion [into his music and] he makes people happy.

Toilet Paper

๐Ÿค” What do Polish people ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฑ ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฑ ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฑ in Poland do with ๐Ÿ“ฐ ๐Ÿ“ฐ ๐Ÿ“ฐ ๐Ÿ“ฐ newspapers ๐Ÿ“ฐ ๐Ÿ“ฐ ๐Ÿ“ฐ ๐Ÿ“ฐ after they are done reading them?

Use them for toilet paper. ๐Ÿงป ๐Ÿงป ๐Ÿงป ๐Ÿงป ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜„

Friend

So guys, I have a friend who is named Sarah, and I was riding bikes with her the other day, and she told me she is gay. I totally support her. I love that she is open about it and not scared to tell people about it. I hope you guys can support her too! I love you all! :)))