Party jokes
What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?
"Just Beat It."
Two to the one from the one to the three, I like good pussy and I like good trees, Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe, And I get more ass than a toilet seat.
Three to the one from the one to the three, I met a bad bitch last night in the D, Let me tell you how I made her leave with me, Conversation and Hennessey.
I've been to the motherfuckin' mountain top, Heard motherfuckers talk, seen and dropped, If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock, And when I bust yo ass I'ma continue to rock.
Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet, It's real easy just follow the beat, Don't let that fine girl pass you by, Look real close 'cause strobe lights blind.
Hola! This is when I pranked my mom! I took a fake lobster and put it in the toilet. The fake lobster was in your attic, used for lobster parties, but anyway, I put the fake lobster in the toilet, so when my mom comes in she will find it and overreact to it. Well, she did not overreact, she FREAKED OUT OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First she screamed and then she looked at it and she saw it was fake. laterrrrrrr that's the prankster!
At this point, I don't want a funeral when I commit. I just want a going away party so people have an excuse to celebrate.
My friend playing truth or dare asked me: "Dare".
My friends: "I dare you to go home."
When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."
Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”
My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.
Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.
There's going to be a party at the orphanage tonight. I'm bringing a gun.
Steven Hawking's Sesh Cave, entry 50p, guaranteed Budweiser and ecstasy. Maybe a gram of heroin. You'll most likely see a mental 90-year-old guy absolutely going mental on the dance floor with a Stella in one hand and another on his crotch.
Why did the autistic ice cream run away from the party?
She had a meltdown.
I tried dressing up as the plane that crashed into the Twin Towers for the office costume party.
It didn't land too well.
How do astronauts have a party?
They planet.
What did the house wear to the party? A dress.
What happened the night Stephen Hawking came home wasted?
Nothing... wife couldn’t tell.
Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children, and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said, "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said, "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone.
Then, the birthday boy said, "Hey, he's like my dad."
"Really?" asked a little girl.
"I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."
Who hates going to a pizza party?
A weirdough.
We are drunk at the party. There was an ass-ton of drunk girls there with me.
How do you keep a blind kid entertained?
You take him to a stadium crowd, then give him a bat and tell him to hit the piñata.