Party jokes

Most people age up on their birthdays,

Stephen levels up.

My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.

She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!

I usually hang up Halloween decorations,

but this year I'm gonna be the decoration.

It was an emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers.

The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.

Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.

There was a man. He came home with his friends from the bar and man was he ever wasted! Their friends made sure to get him home safely. The next morning, he woke up and found blood all over his nightstand. He called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.

What happened when the 400+ women ate a slice of cake?

She died the next weekend.

I was having a party in my basement, and my friend asked me what that bag covered in blood was for. I said, "Oh, that's the bag I catch the children with to torture them in this basement."

Ahmed is "bombuni guisisni" and Marcus is "bombardilo crocodilo" because Ahmed was late to the plane party and Marcus was first.

What is the worst thing about your birthday being on September 11?

Party crashers.

My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.

You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?

Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.

Last night I remember partying with friends to find blood on my nightstand.

Moments after, I scolded my friends to put my alarm clock back where they found it.

There was a woman sitting with me.

I had to leave until she pointed at something—it was my butt.

I was confused until it was her turn for truth or dare.

Why were the mushrooms the cool guy at the party? Because he was a fungi.

Why did Peter bring toilet roll to the party? Because he was a party pooper!

How do cookies 🍪 give three cheers?

Chip, chip, hooray!

"Go back to Party City, where you belong!" — Phi Phi O’Hara, RuPaul’s Drag Race.

Why do candles like birthdays?

Because they can get lit!

I want to die at a party. This is because nobody can be sad over me.