Parent jokes
What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?
Father's Day.
They don't have parents because they left when you were 0.
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.
The dad finally came back with the milk!
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.
Memes
What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?
A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.
Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.
You have a father figure.
Do you know what the F in orphan is for...
Family.
What are two things that an orphan can’t have?
Two parents.
One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, “Yeah, what gave me away?” I said, “His parents.”
Does a midget count as an orphan?
I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."
The Emo kid wanted to go on a field trip, but he needed his parent's signature.
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home.
Orphan: Oh, cool, something we have in common.
One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.
Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.
His parents weren't too happy.
What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
So he can be hit by a car and be reunited with his parents.
Your dad died of hunger on the journey to find the milk.
You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.