Parent jokes
How do people get skinny?
Their parents don't feed them. (JOKE)
Yo mama is so nasty that she sucked your dad's dick and came in to kiss you goodnight.
What does an orphan do on school parents' day? Nothing.
Why does an orphan’s calendar only have 363 days?
There are no Father’s or Mother’s Days on their calendar.
What does Santa say about my mom? HO HO HO!
I see a kid crying in the park, right? So I go up to him and say, "Hey, where are your parents?" and he says, "Well, my dad left to get the milk and never came back, and my mother died in a plane crash in the Bermuda Triangle."
What is the orphan's favorite toy from his parents?
They don’t have parents to pay for a toy.
What can an elevator do that an orphan’s parents can’t?
The elevator can raise a family.
Your dad died of hunger on the journey to find the milk.
Why wasn’t the orphan able to finish his cereal?
His parents never brought back the milk.
The parentless child stood as her orphanage was blown up by a kamikaze I had rented.
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
My teacher asks all of us in class, "What is your favorite thing in the world?"
Josh: Cookies.
Jacob: My parents.
Erika: My Friends!
Brody: Lamborghinis.
Me: Pulling over in a car in the middle of nowhere at night with my girlfriend and getting in the back seat where the magic happens... ;-)
My Teacher: Ok, everyone that was all good...WAIT A DANG SECOND!
*Everyone Looks at Me With A Weird Face....
What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?
Kill their parents.
I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.
How do Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They tell her to sit in the corner in a circular room.
What flour do you give an orphan?
Self-raising.
*P.O.V orphan wanting to go on school trip/camp*
Teacher: “Can I have your parent's signature? It isn’t filled out.”
Orphan: “Um yeah.... That’s gonna be hard....”
Teacher: “Why?”
Orphan: “I just have to find them first....”
Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?
Because the parents are in every episode.
Why did the family move away?
Because they lost their son.