Parent jokes
What do Chinese parents hate the most?
A newborn daughter...
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.
My son.
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
- Mommy, I want a bicycle!
- Shut up, Sam! You've already got your wheelchair!
How do Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They tell her to sit in the corner in a circular room.
What did Hitler say after his parents bought a hauler?
How much did the haulla-cost?
I would name my daughter Awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.
A man is sitting in a chair. He is talking to the other friend about what they must cherish.
One says he cherishes his family, the other cherishes his parents, and a man comes in, points at the chair and says, “I CHAIRish my Chair” as he pulls up a chair.
What do you call an octopus dad?
An octodad.
A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.
Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.
I'm serious, what's a "dad?"
What is a "dad?"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.
your mom