Overeating jokes
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
A cop pulls over an old man.
The cop walks up to the old man and says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
The old man said, "No."
I love climbing over walls because my ancestry was Mexican.
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.
The dad finally came back with the milk!
Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?
She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.
What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?
"It will be over soon."
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."
My tower is hard, but after six minutes, it fell over.
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
Yo mama's so stupid, she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
"Wanna hear a joke?"
"Sure."
"You SURE will be glad when this dad joke's over."
"That was pretty DAD!"
Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"
What's that thing that walks on two legs, washes dishes, sucks my cock, cooks, cleans, bends over for me and never fucking shuts up?
Femoids.
Me: I know a good 9/11 joke, but it would probably go over your head.
The Twin Towers: No, it won’t.
Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
Is skin picking self-harm?
Cause I'm red all over without a razor.
My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.
So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"
My blind friend got ran over by a parked car.