Overeating jokes

Your Friend: Bro, I'm having a movie sleepover tonight. I've invited 17 people, wanna come?

You: Yeah, but why so many people?

Your Friend: Because the DVD says only 18+ viewers.

You: Dude!!!!

"Texas be like it's cold over here over here."

What's black and grey and red all over?

A dead r******.

My mom said, "Hey, come over here."

I responded, "Too late, Mom!"

I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend.

He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes.

What's white but not black, and red all over?

J. K. Rowling after attending the world premiere of the next Matrix movie.

A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid."

The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what?"

What do you call seagulls that fly over the bay? Bagels.

It cost me $100 to ride a taxi over your belly, it was that big!

How do you make Prince Andrew sad? You tell him you're over 16.

Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got "fine" written all over you.

A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”

I had something about tripping over ice.

Well, it slipped my mind, so I'll just test some diamonds to see if they're ice.

I hate sitting in traffic, I always get run over.

I just bought a book about lamps...

So I can do some light reading over the weekend.

Why did the bike fall over? Because I was too tired.

What's green then red all over?

A frog in a blender! :)

Why did the bike fall over?

It was too tired.

They say that bad things happen to good people.

So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.

Bored? Run over an orphan with your car! What are they going to do, tell their nonexistent parents?