Overeating jokes
A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.
The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.
I want to die at a party. This is because nobody can be sad over me.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dragon.
Dragon deez nuts.
Dragon deez nuts who?
DRAGON DEEZ NUTS ALL OVER YOUR FACE!
What is Donald Trump's hairstyle called?
A comb-over.
My job is so amazing.
Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.
Once upon a time, there was a woman named Sarah who woke up one morning to find her husband and his wheelchair missing. She searched high and low, but they were nowhere to be found. Desperate to find them, she put up posters all over town offering a reward.
What is brown and sticky?
The leftovers of the iceberg.
What do you call an overly clingy child?
A tumor.
On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.
R. Kelly contracted COVID-19 recently. He was quoted as saying it was the first time he caught a case of anything over 18 in years.
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abort!
I called my dog 5 miles.
Today, I fawn over my miles.
Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?
Sanity to live: I don't know?
Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!
Sanity to live? *dies*
Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.
Sanity to live: *resurrected*
Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...
(sponsored by jumping bridges)
I was at the bank yesterday.
A lady asked to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and all over their land.
My wife is so fat. After sex, I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance on the cliff, so I pushed her over because I lost my balance!
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: The U.S. in 1919!
What do you say when you hear someone tripping over at night?
Goddammit, Jamal!
I wish you were a soap, because I want you all over me.