Overeating jokes
A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.
The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!
I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.
We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
What’s black, white, and red all over?
An embarrassed biracial guy.
What’s red and white and black all over?
A dead white man at night time!
A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.
The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.
My job is so amazing.
Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.
I want to die at a party. This is because nobody can be sad over me.
What do you call an overly clingy child?
A tumor.
R. Kelly contracted COVID-19 recently. He was quoted as saying it was the first time he caught a case of anything over 18 in years.
What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abort!
On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.
The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"
Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"
Bros over hos.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance on the cliff, so I pushed her over because I lost my balance!
So the other day I saw a homeless man. He tried to mug me. I let him.
I had nothing on me either. (I'm on the next block over.)
What happened to the chicken when he crossed the road? He didn't. He got run over by a truck.
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: The U.S. in 1919!
What do you say when you hear someone tripping over at night?
Goddammit, Jamal!