Overeating jokes
My wife is so fat. After sex, I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!
I was at the bank yesterday.
A lady asked to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?
"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"
Your mama's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.
We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
What’s red and white and black all over?
A dead white man at night time!
The thing about 9/11 and the jokes about it, for most people it flew over their head, for some it flew into their head.
A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.
The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!
What’s black, white, and red all over?
An embarrassed biracial guy.
My job is so amazing.
Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.
I want to die at a party. This is because nobody can be sad over me.
I was at a milk store and ordered some milk.
They brought it over but spilled it on me.
I said that was a udder failure!
I called my dog 5 miles.
Today, I fawn over my miles.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over them.
My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dragon.
Dragon deez nuts.
Dragon deez nuts who?
DRAGON DEEZ NUTS ALL OVER YOUR FACE!
So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
What is Donald Trump's hairstyle called?
A comb-over.
"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret
"Why?" - Depressed boy
"Because he got ran over." - Margaret
"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy