Overeating jokes
What is Donald Trump's hairstyle called?
A comb-over.
The thing about 9/11 and the jokes about it, for most people it flew over their head, for some it flew into their head.
I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.
We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
What’s black, white, and red all over?
An embarrassed biracial guy.
Memes
What’s red and white and black all over?
A dead white man at night time!
What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?
"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"
A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.
The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!
I want to die at a party. This is because nobody can be sad over me.
A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.
The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.
My job is so amazing.
Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.
I called my dog 5 miles.
Today, I fawn over my miles.
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.
R. Kelly contracted COVID-19 recently. He was quoted as saying it was the first time he caught a case of anything over 18 in years.
What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abort!
The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.
Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?
Sanity to live: I don't know?
Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!
Sanity to live? *dies*
Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.
Sanity to live: *resurrected*
Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...
(sponsored by jumping bridges)
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over them.
Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.