Overeating jokes
I was at a milk store and ordered some milk.
They brought it over but spilled it on me.
I said that was a udder failure!
Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?
Sanity to live: I don't know?
Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!
Sanity to live? *dies*
Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.
Sanity to live: *resurrected*
Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...
(sponsored by jumping bridges)
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over them.
I called my dog 5 miles.
Today, I fawn over my miles.
Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
You got no lotion to masturbate, then you remember there's some leftover porridge in the fridge. 😌🤎😇
What is brown and sticky?
The leftovers of the iceberg.
What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?
"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"
The thing about 9/11 and the jokes about it, for most people it flew over their head, for some it flew into their head.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dragon.
Dragon deez nuts.
Dragon deez nuts who?
DRAGON DEEZ NUTS ALL OVER YOUR FACE!
So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."
What is Donald Trump's hairstyle called?
A comb-over.
Your mama's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
Why did the man get run over?
Ur mom XD
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and all over their land.
I was at the bank yesterday.
A lady asked to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
My wife is so fat. After sex, I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!
"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret
"Why?" - Depressed boy
"Because he got ran over." - Margaret
"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy
I know a good airplane joke, but it will probably go over your head.
Twin Towers: "No, it won't."