Overeating Jokes

On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.

What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!

Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.

I was at a milk store and ordered some milk.

They brought it over but spilled it on me.

I said that was a udder failure!

I tripped over my wife’s bra. It was a booby trap!

He threw a piece of bread at me so I flipped his
lil dumbass over. Fuck them kids

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

Yo mama's so stupid, she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

My friend dreamed of being a porno star.

He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.

The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!

Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?

Sanity to live: I don't know?

Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!

Sanity to live? *dies*

Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.

Sanity to live: *resurrected*

Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...

(sponsored by jumping bridges)

I called my dog 5 miles.

Today, I fawn over my miles.

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over them.

Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.

You got no lotion to masturbate, then you remember there's some leftover porridge in the fridge. 😌🤎😇

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance on the cliff, so I pushed her over because I lost my balance!

What's black and white and red all over?

The darkness of your heart, the dishonor of your lies, and the embarrassment you feel when busted for both.

So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.