Overeating jokes

I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

My dad is now a milkman.

Now I have over 50 brothers and sisters.

Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.

This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.

My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.

He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."

"Bill? Bill?" Bill hears faintly in the distance.

Bill Nye snapped back into reality only to find he had peed all over the set.

What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?

Baby in a blender.

"Fuckin blakfellas be drunk all the time," slurred Barry McKenzie over his tenth pint of guiness.

When a wheelchair kid bends over, wheelchair kid goes “ohhahahhahhahahahahal!”

Why did I trip over your foot?

Because you were so short I couldn’t see you!

She responds: “See that man over there with no arms? Tell him to clap.”

The kid replies: “But, Mom, I’m blind!”

Mom: “Exactly.”

My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.

Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?

Doctor: Yep.

Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.

Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.

You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?

What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.

What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?

Panera instead.

What is the difference between Kanye and Hitler?

Hitler knew when his career was over.

They told me Avengers: Endgame was going to be 3 hours long, but honestly? I felt like it was over in a SNAP!

How do you make a baby survive a fall of over 300 metres?

I don't know. I've dropped dozens off the Empire State Building and none have lived.

Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"