My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.
So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"
I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"
My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"
Why couldn’t the orange cross the road? Because it ran out of juice.
Yo, barber fucked up so bad he pulled out a "Plants vs. Zombies" map and that shii fit perfectly.
Yo mama so fat, when she sits down she dislocates Earth out of its orbit.
What goes in hard but comes out soft?
Gum.
Me: *looks at person's hand* This guy doesn't have fingers!
Random person with no fingers: Why do you have to point that out?
Why did Jimmy throw his clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly.
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
With Doritos!
I heard Steven Spielberg is coming out with a new movie about fat people called E.C.
(Extra Cholesterol)
What's Peter Pan's favorite place to eat out?
Wendy's?
One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.
Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."
A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.
Why is the orange 🍊 the fastest fruit?
Because it never runs out of juice.
Stop with the dead baby jokes. We're running out of babies.
I’m gonna kick some gum and chew some ass... but I’m all out of ass.
9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.
It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.
Why should you abuse the hell out of an orphan? Because what are they gonna do? Tell their mom or dad?
My uncles like the moon.
He comes out at night.
