Outing jokes

Stop with the dead baby jokes. We're running out of babies.

I’m gonna kick some gum and chew some ass... but I’m all out of ass.

9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.

It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.

Why should you abuse the hell out of an orphan? Because what are they gonna do? Tell their mom or dad?

My uncles like the moon.

He comes out at night.

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere!

I rate my dad as a pilot 9 out of 11.

Short girl: "How do you see up there?"

Tall guy: "Who said that?"

I spit my drink out and then ran away.

I was at school when I remembered I forgot my necklace, then I screamed out, "Shit, I forgot Grandpa!"

If an apple and an emo kid fell out of a tree, which would hit the ground first?

The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.

*P.O.V orphan wanting to go on school trip/camp*

Teacher: “Can I have your parent's signature? It isn’t filled out.”

Orphan: “Um yeah.... That’s gonna be hard....”

Teacher: “Why?”

Orphan: “I just have to find them first....”

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,

It's great being a sniper.

I'd make a masturbation joke.

But they always get out of hand.

Bf: Hey, what ya doing?

Gf: Just lying in bed.

Bf: Just lying in bed?

Gf: And eating cereal.

Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?

Gf: Eat my cereal.

Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.

Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.

How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.

My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.

What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?

One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.

My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.

She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.