Outing jokes

What's Peter Pan's favorite place to eat out?

Wendy's?

What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?

Someone didn’t pull it out in time.

Bobby had 54 dicks (54).

He took 33 pills a month (5433).

Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).

(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!

Mum finds out child cheats in math test.

Mom says, "There is no cheating in this house."

Child: "Then why did you cheat with my math teacher last night?"

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."

A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.

Why is the orange 🍊 the fastest fruit?

Because it never runs out of juice.

Stop with the dead baby jokes. We're running out of babies.

I’m gonna kick some gum and chew some ass... but I’m all out of ass.

9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.

It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.

Why should you abuse the hell out of an orphan? Because what are they gonna do? Tell their mom or dad?

My uncles like the moon.

He comes out at night.

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere!

I rate my dad as a pilot 9 out of 11.

Short girl: "How do you see up there?"

Tall guy: "Who said that?"

I spit my drink out and then ran away.

I was at school when I remembered I forgot my necklace, then I screamed out, "Shit, I forgot Grandpa!"

If an apple and an emo kid fell out of a tree, which would hit the ground first?

The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.

*P.O.V orphan wanting to go on school trip/camp*

Teacher: “Can I have your parent's signature? It isn’t filled out.”

Orphan: “Um yeah.... That’s gonna be hard....”

Teacher: “Why?”

Orphan: “I just have to find them first....”

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,

It's great being a sniper.