Outing jokes

You are so fat that when you jump into the pool, everyone gets out.

I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.

Git is going to let Bill Cosby out of jail. Oh wait, he watched Little Bill.

Yo momma's so ugly that when she walked into a Haunted Mansion, she walked back out with a job application.

Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.

One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.

I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!

Yo mama so fat that when she bought food, she ran out of money.

Yo mama so fat, when I swerved to miss her, I ran out of gas.

I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.

A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."

A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.

Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"

Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."

Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."

Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.

Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"

The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"

What’s white and sticky and better to spit out than to swallow? Toothpaste.

Shut the fuck up, you fat bitch. You always like to roast others, but you can't walk up the stairs without passing out, you fat, stupid bitch. And I caught you breaking into someone's house just to steal a piece of candy, fat-ass bitch.

Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"

Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.

What did the Blonde say to the other Blonde?

They don’t know; they couldn’t figure out what to say.

What is the difference between preschools and my basement?

Little kids come out of preschool.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a campfire and shouted out "Hot Wheels!"

KFC proudly presents the kid fryer meal where our fillets are made out of kids. 😎 1 like = more kids in our fryer.