I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
Why is my anus burning?
'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!
(DOORS)
What door is the first door that opens for you?
The elevator to go to the game.
Why didn't the opening photo actually have a pic of sex on it? I have always wanted to see porn, too bad I have parents and a school Chromebook.
Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*
All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?
People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!
People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)
Why do orphans not like the movie Frozen?
Because for them, love isn't an open door.
What key opens a banana?
A monkey.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.
How does a donkey open a door?
With a don-key.
When you lock the door, but you realize it's a pull open door!
What did the substrate say to the active site?
"C'mon baby, we fit together, open my door lock to f**kin' key."
You're so short that you don't have to open the front door to get inside the house.
Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.
Her: Prove it.
Me: (opens freezer)
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?
It’s Christmas and Sally has a gift. She got a Barrie. Just kidding, she still hasn’t opened it.
What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.
What is Chuck Norris' favorite Sonic song?
"Open Your Heart."
Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.
Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
Because he wanted to make dough.
Heard Stephen Hawking is in a new movie and that the theme tune is absolutely banging. Think the opening line goes something like, “They see me rolling, they hating.”
