Open jokes
If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:
So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.
(DOORS)
What door is the first door that opens for you?
The elevator to go to the game.
Your mama's like a cardboard box: open to the public and easy to nail.
Yo momma's legs are like cottage cheese: white and chunky.
Yo momma's so dirty that when I asked what was for dinner, she sat on the table, opened her legs, and said "Crabs."
I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
Memes
Why is my anus burning?
'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!
What key opens a banana?
A monkey.
Wanna see a joke? Open the front-facing camera.
Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*
All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?
People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!
People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)
Why do orphans not like the movie Frozen?
Because for them, love isn't an open door.
What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?
Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.
Wonder why the Japanese people didn't see the bombs coming?
They didn't open their eyes.
Why can't orphans open a website?
Because they don't have a home page.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
Because he wanted to make dough.
What is Chuck Norris' favorite Sonic song?
"Open Your Heart."
Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.
Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."
A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there's a knock at the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, "What was that all about?"
It’s Christmas and Sally has a gift. She got a Barrie. Just kidding, she still hasn’t opened it.
Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.
Her: Prove it.
Me: (opens freezer)