Open

Open Jokes

Friend

Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*

All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?

People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!

People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)

Orphan

Why do orphans not like the movie Frozen?

Because for them, love isn't an open door.

Wife

What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?

Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.

Door

(DOORS)

What door is the first door that opens for you?

The elevator to go to the game.

Mama

Your mama's like a cardboard box: open to the public and easy to nail.

Woman

If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:

So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.

Bomb

Wonder why the Japanese people didn't see the bombs coming?

They didn't open their eyes.

Helplessness

Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?

Door

When you lock the door, but you realize it's a pull open door!

Dad

What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.

Snail

A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.

He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.

He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there's a knock at the door.

He opens it and sees the same snail.

The snail says, "What was that all about?"

Gift

It’s Christmas and Sally has a gift. She got a Barrie. Just kidding, she still hasn’t opened it.

Body

Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.

Her: Prove it.

Me: (opens freezer)

Door

You're so short that you don't have to open the front door to get inside the house.

Police Officer

How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.

Man

Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.

Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."

Site

What did the substrate say to the active site?

"C'mon baby, we fit together, open my door lock to f**kin' key."