All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something. Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.
What’s the difference between school and prison. One is painted
"How was your day?" "It was great" "what was so great about it?" "i saw a puppy" "awww" "and i ran over it :)"
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline. The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me." a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that." Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
What the difference between a water bottle and Africa? One has water the other one doesn’t
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed- He wakes up under it...
one day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy then they heard a sound from the bushes, instead of looking down they both ran.
two years later they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial they asked him if he has ever been caught he said "No but a couple was walking as soon as i killed a girl i jumped into a bush they didnt know i was there but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down then he and his girlfriend ran."
An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him. What is his one liner? I told you to stop running or you will get tired.
That one teacher that flips on and off the light switch to get the students attention... that one kid with epilepsy...
What's the better than eight kids in a dustbin? -one kid in eight dustbins
Why do emos hang themselves because no one wants to hang around them
What's the one upside to being an orphan? You never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
Two friends are arguing and one friend says ̈Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs ands or buts about it ̈ and the other friend says ̈Butt He is ̈.
We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.
"My dick fell off in the shower" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your Weiner little one?' He says chuckling lightly.
why does an orphan like home base because he doesnt have one
whats worse bieng loved or hated? cuz when ur loved you could be left alone or be batrade. but when your hated no ones there to leave you. what do u think?
Dark humor is like life not every one gets it
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says: "I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
Chenle: One time when i was younger, someone asked me how old i was and i forget. I had to Wikipedia my age to remember Jisung: This is the richest thing I've ever heard in my life.
