One Jokes

What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde girl?

One stops sucking when you smack it.

One day a computer said to another computer, "Why are you so dumb?"

The other computer replied, "Because I have low memory."

Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.

"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.

"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"

One day, two friends found a treasure map. So they decided to try to find the treasure.

After several hours they found the treasure. It was a suit that gives the person wearing it super strength. One of the friends wore the suit and hugged the other friend. They were both red.

All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.

Four people are holding up signs that should say "Will you marry me?" but are out of order. The text above the image says "They had one job." A user commented below the image, "They are not asking."

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Students: "Meat."

Teacher: "Very good. Now what does the pig give you?"

Students: "Bacon."

Teacher: "And finally, what does the fat cow give you?"

One of the students: "Homework!"

What’s worse than Sally in one trash can?

Sally in 13 trash cans.

What did Thanos say when he snapped his finger? Another one bites the dust.

Angel: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?

Satan: Could you like FUCK OFF FOR ONE MINUTE?

What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other?

LEAN BEEF!

I heard guns kill people, so I gave up my right to own one.

Then I heard dicks rape people, so I chopped it off.

There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.

One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.

One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.

The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"

Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?

Only one of them is scared.

One time I ate a chair.

In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.

One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”