One jokes
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
Stan Lee walked into a school one day.
Just kidding, he's fuckin dead :(
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
What is a bus ride that is dumb? A boring one.
Oh, my fat joke offended you? Which one of your chins did I hurt?
People always said that if you killed a murderer, there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?
I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.
I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.
What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.
What did the one-handed man have for breakfast this morning?
Finger food.
What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?
One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.
Texas is such a shitty state. There’s a reason it only has one star.
One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.
What did one ghost say to another ghost?
"You're boo-tiful!"
How do terrorists feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second one."
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
One depressed kid goes to high-five a tree, but the tree just left him hanging.
Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.
Tell me a joke about my hairline.
No, because he don't got one, feel like Donald Trump, it don't move.
What do emos and guys with a durag have in common? They both have waves, just one is on their arm.
What do you call an orphan in a room full of mirrors? Surrounded by loved ones.