I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
One Jokes
If an orphan wants food, who does it? No one. Everybody just watches him starve because they couldn't find his parents.
They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. That's why orphanages exist!
I was walking and I saw a girl crying, and she told me to take her dollhouse and I asked why. She said because I don't have one.
The other day my brother hit me. I yelled for mom. No one responded.
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
One day I went to smoke weed with some Mexicans, but they ran away when I asked if they had papers.
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.
Why canβt orphans have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy."
A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle, and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do, and finally the friend said, "Why don't you just use me?" The boyfriend said, "Why did I not think of using the third wheel?"
What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?
One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.
Do you have a halo, cause I can give you one.
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.
She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, βYouβll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!β
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you wonβt believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.
What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?
They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.
What is the difference between an orphan and a candle?
One is used.
The lunch lady gave me only one carrot. I didn't carrot all.
