One jokes

One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.

I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.

While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."

So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"

What is Green and Red and goes round and round?

A frog in a blender.

(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)

What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?

One can support an average family.

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.

What’s the difference between a Black man and a Jew?

One was born burnt.

A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.

A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"

One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.

Did you hear the one about the hills?

It was hillarious.

My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.

She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

What do orphans and TVs have in common?

At least one of them has a home.

POV you are drunk and telling jokes and no one is listening 😭😭😭

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"

Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"

Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."

One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.

Your mom! Oh wait, you don't have one.

Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?