One jokes

Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"

What’s the difference between anal sex and vegetables? One is cruel to the person getting it in, the other is vegetables.

Someone telling a joke:

Boy: "My parents are dead."

Girl: "My grandad is too."

Orphan who listened to it: "That joke is dead!"

Person who told the joke: "So is your family!"

What's the difference between a mole and a priest?

One will till your 13 to put hairs on your face.

How can you light up a candle in a ship which does not contain any instrument and you are alone with just a packet of candles?

Answer: Just throw one candle in the sea; the boat will become lighter.

"Rapeboat" has six fingers on each hand and one big eyebrow. Signs of inbreeding.

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.

I’m breaking up with you, bitch.

Why was the rapper always the first one at the party?

Because he never missed a beat!

What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.

Would you steal 20 dollars from a stupid 6 year old kid with Down syndrome who can't talk and make ah ah ah noises, or get one dollar for saying the N word?

So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!

Math riddle: If I have 12 bottles of wine in one hand, and 9 in the other, what do I have?

My great uncle died in a concentration camp.

He fell off one of the guard towers.

Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?

That one friend: 11 - T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

Are you still a virgin?

If you do IT

With no one?

I hate the 9/11 jokes; my dad and grandpa were killed.

My dad was one hell of a pilot.

Grandpa was a hell of a planner.

What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?

My ex-wife.

There were two sisters. They said they were supporting nine eleven, so I shot one of the sister's kneecaps, and the other sister got shot in the head.

Which way do gay men walk?

One Direction.

There was a house with a three-story building.

The first one had Mexicans.

The second one had Africans.

The third one had white people.

An earthquake came.

But who did survive?

The white family because they were at work.