One jokes

One day at school, little Johnny was not listening, so the teacher came up to him.

Teacher: "At the end of this ruler is someone dumb."

Little Johnny: "Miss, which end were you referring to?"

On one hand he was fantastic and the other a spastic. You could say he was a fantastic spastic.

One day an orphan went to jail, and a big dude went behind him and said, "I want you." The orphan said, "Finally!"

TELL ME YOU'VE DONE THIS WITHOUT TELLING ME YOU'VE DONE THIS.!!! So, we all know when y'all were in school, y'all would fart, but y'all would try to make it silent, but for me, that one day I farted loud, and everyone could hear. Everyone got to blame the annoying kid.

People shouldn't worry about how orphans would feel reading these jokes. It's not like they have parents to buy them a phone or computer to see them, or even a place to charge them even if they did have one.

Three men walk into a bar. The 1st says, "Hey, how's it going?" The 2nd one says, "Great!" But then the 3rd man says, "Hello, where did my wife go? I swear she was just here!" What happened to the 3rd guy's wife?

One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"

Why have kids? Just go get one now, no nine-month delay.

What did the window say to the door?

"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"

Get it?

What's the difference between you, your uncle, and your dad?

One didn't go in the closet.

Yo mama so ugly, she made One Direction go the other direction.

What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?

One’s a heated yam, and the other’s a YEATED HAM!

There's only one reason our Education Minister is standing by this curriculum.

In her religion, you NEVER pull out.

Do you know why orphans don't have parents?

Because no one raised you.

Don’t kill the Earth, it’s the only one with beer.

One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life.

How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?

One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.

Why do orphans look at a house for so long?

'Cause they never had one.

Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.

Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.

There's like a weird after taste though.

Kinda like a sparkling water one.

I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.