One time Uma Thurman was Poison Ivy; she was weird in that, except for her punny jokes.
One Jokes
At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, βIf you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?β Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.
So I'm reading Hamlet, right? And then this one page they like, "Yo, like, Hamlet the fuck t tgo foff off KING speak, yo" π π π π π π π truth ong fr π Face with thing is funny or... π π π π the
I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette. Retired after one loss ever.
Kid: Imagine being an orphan!
Parents: Look who's talking, not you 'cause you ain't got no one to talk to! *vanishes*
Kid: WAIT, WHAT!
If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
Dad joke.
Why does a dad get more than a pair of socks at the golf course?
Because of a hole in one!
What's the one thing that you don't have but celebrities do?
Lots of fans.
Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.
Whatβs a foot on one end, a foot on the other end, and a foot in the middle?
A meter stick.
Whatβs the difference between 69 and a family reunion?
You only see one asshole in 69.
C'mon guys, I know I'm not the only bored one around here!
Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.
I find it difficult to count to ten in French: un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept.
I can't say the next one because I have a "huit" allergy.
One day, I was walking down the street, and then I saw something really funny, and then I ran, and I saw a boomer, but I don't really know what I'm talking about, lol.
What did one bee say to the other bee?
"I love you, honey!"
What did one ghost say to the other?
"Get a life!"
"Bonus, we can even watch a movie and still chat! Love you!
Which one do you want to watch? π"
What did the big tree say to the little one? Grow a pear!
What's a woodpecker's favorite kind of jokes?
Knock knock ones.
