One jokes
Quote of the day:
Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.
[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]
Why are uncles like curries?
Because bad ones hurt your asshole.
Your mom is so fat that when she went to the dentist, the man said, "One at a time."
Friend 1: Did you?
Depressed friend 2: I didn't!
Friend one: Swear on your life!
Depressed friend 2: I swear.
A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.
Which one will fall from the tree first, the leaves or the emo?
The emo doesn't fall.
What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?
One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.
What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?
Their place.
What is the difference between a black man and Jew?
One was born burnt.
Life is like a bag of jellybeans.
Nobody likes the black ones.
If all women disappeared one day, it would be a pain in the ass.
One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.
I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."
What’s the difference between Swifties and rap fans?
One rap fan has a higher IQ than every Swiftie combined.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,
"Please send me a sibling!"
Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"
How did Helen Keller drive?
One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.
What’s one thing that an orphan can never get in poker?
A full house.
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
I'll call your mom a cow, but which one?
One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.
Why are orphans good at dodge ball?
Because no one misses them.