One jokes

Man: How tall is a penguin?

Bartender: About three foot, why?

Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!

Poor car.

Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.

Doctor Seuss break up lines:

"One fish, two fish, blue fish, red fish, I'm breaking up with you, bitch."

What do orphans do after they win a game?

Nothing, they have no one to play games with.

Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered three pepperoni pizzas and one came plain, the other came late, and the other one went to the wrong address.

One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.

Why does no one sit next to a cheetah during school? Because they're a big cheetah.

My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.

Ok, now I'm not good at telling jokes, but this one is not too bad. One cunt said to another cunt, "Do you get cold at night?"

"Fuck no, cunt," the first cunt said, "Why?"

"I have a built-in set of vertical curtains to keep the cold out, cunt!" xx

Why is there no open hunting season on hippies?

Have you ever tried to clean one?

What is an orphan's least favorite store?

Family Dollar, they just can’t seem to find one.

What did one plate say to the other plate?

"Dinner's on me."

When you send a dick pic and she sends one back,

I'm glad mine is the biggest, so I get to fuck my dad again.

What's wrong with 89?

You blow me and I owe you one.

Three gay guys walk into a bar.

There is only one stool left, what do they do?

They flip the stool over.

GRAVEYARD SAVINGS:

While leafing through our local newspaper, I noticed this classified ad: “For sale: one used tombstone. Splendid opportunity for a family named Dingle.”

Where did the one legged lady work?

IHOP

I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!

Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.

Aaron: Why?

Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.

What is a bus ride that is dumb? A boring one.