Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
Out of a total population of 1.3 billion, no one in Africa actually speaks "African."
I got detention one day. I don’t know why; I only slapped the emo kid on the wrist.
One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"
One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.
If white people turn black when they char, what happens to the black ones?
I tried to catch air once... I mist.
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?
"Want me to pack your shit?"
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.
What's the difference between a homeless person and a car?
Only one gets fuel.
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"
The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."
A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."
Two twins were talking in class. I threw a paper airplane at one of them.
Huh, I'm really pissed off. No matter how many jokes I make, no one likes them. 😭😭:'(:':😔😔😿💔💔👇👇:(
How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!
Two hats are next to each other. One hat says to the other, "Stay here, I'll go on ahead."
I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.
Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.
