1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!
Is your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go wayyyy back?
Any 8 year old: Sus!
Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!
Why would the chicken not cross the road?
Because it's too old. (The joke is old.) (The chicken is old.)
I was digging outside and I found my child's old toy, so I ran to find him, but I could not find him, so I was searching for about 6 hours, but then I remembered why I was digging......
Q. What do filicide jokes and filicide victims have in common?
A. They never get old.
What do a 100-year-old pornstar and The White Stripes have in common? Icky Thump!
What do you call it if you find an old organ keyboard on the side of the road?
Organ harvesting.
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?
'Cause there are twenty of them.
POV: You are 7 years old and you find a stick. SWORD.
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.
Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."
You look too old to be living with your grandma.
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
What's the difference between red wings and old cassette tape players?
One eats tape while the other eats pussy.
At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.
What's the natural cure to an old man's inability to forgive people?
Alzheimer's.
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
What's common in vampires and American kids?
They both don't get old.
I came across a pic of the oldest man on earth on IG. He was 132 years old.
I commented "age is just a number" for him; now I'm banned.
