Old jokes
Statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile. But not me, I live next to a 10-year-old boy with a fat ass.
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.
The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.
Why did Joe Biden pull out of the Afghanistan war?
Because it was over 18 years old.
What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?
Neither do ever grow old.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
These jokes are old, come up with something new!
Memes
Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.
Your momma is so old, when she went to the antique store, they wouldn't let her leave.
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
Did you hear the joke about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Why did the 18-year-old girl need a ladder to go to school?
Because it was High School.
What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?
They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
A young cowboy entered a seedy cafe in a small West Texas town.
He sat at the counter and spotted an elderly cowboy with his arms folded and his gaze fixed on a bowl of chili. After roughly 15 minutes of staring at it, the young cowboy boldly inquired, “If you’re not going to eat it, do you mind if I do?” Slowly turning his head toward the young wrangler, the older cowboy muttered, in his best cowboy voice, “Nah. Go ahead.”
The young cowboy eagerly reached over and slid the bowl over to his spot, spooning it in with glee. He was almost to the bottom when he noticed a rotten dead rat in the chili.
The sight was shocking, and he immediately upchucked the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly said, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too...”
Donald Trump travels back in time to talk to his 10-year-old self.
When he sees himself, he says, "Do you see me? I am you, but almost 70 years older."
His 10-year-old self asks him, "Am I going to be famous?"
Trump replies, "Oh yeah, I became president of the United States. Not once. Twice!"
10-year-old Donald was shocked. But he became even more shocked when he heard the next sentence from his current self: "And now take off your pants!"
A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."
(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)
My girlfriend called me a pedophile.
And I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old!"
I like my women like I like my scotch:
12 years old and mixed with coke.
How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?
They are all boomers in the end.
Why do eight-year-old girls wear panties with flowers on?
In loving memory of all the faces that were buried in there.
A 9-year-old girl lies on a hospital bed struggling to breathe as she waits for the doctor to come.
The doctor finally comes, and the little girl can breathe much easier after he pulls his cock out of her mouth.