Old jokes

I had the worst day of my life. My 13 year old ex got killed and I got fired from my job as a police guard. Did I mention that we were in Syria?

Why did the 18-year-old girl need a ladder to go to school?

Because it was High School.

how old are my girlfriends

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjBTsoYph48 oh and there my little sisters

A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old.

If Charlie Kirk were a 5-year-old schoolkid being murdered, America would have moved on by now.

What do McDonald's and priests have in common?

They both shove their meat into 10-year-old buns.

Yo mama so old, she walked into an antique store, and they didn't let her leave.

OK, there are at least 3 pedophiles in your neighborhood.

But there are no pedophiles in my neighborhood; there are only three 10-year-old girls with juicy asses.

The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.

The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.

The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”

The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”

Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70-year-old.

What does a 90 year old's pussy taste like?

Depends...

Have you ever wondered how your teachers would look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25-year-old English teacher. I'd bang her if she were 20 years younger.

An old Indian was buried on the side of a hill. What did he say?

Nothing, he was dead.

Yo mama's so old, her social security number is one.

So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.

So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."

What do you call a 90-year-old black man?

Antique farming equipment.

Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.

Why did the Muslim man cross the road? To violently rape an eight-year-old girl, then indoctrinate her with Islamic scripture, and train her as a suicide bomber.

On a scale of 1-10, how old was Michael Jackson’s last boyfriend?

I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was.