Old jokes

What's the difference between a six-year-old and a submarine?

I've never been inside a submarine.

If Charlie Kirk were a 5-year-old schoolkid being murdered, America would have moved on by now.

An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.

"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.

The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.

"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

What did the young Taliban member say to the old Taliban member?

"Okay, Boomer."

Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?

To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!

Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?

A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.

I like my women like I like my scotch:

12 years old and mixed with coke.

My girlfriend called me pedophile today.

Big word for a 12-year-old.

The time when Michael Jackson came in his pajamas during the trial. Whether or not it was because he saw a 7-year-old boy has yet to be determined.

When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.

If it does more than pee, it's too old for me!

What do you call a 90-year-old black man?

Antique farming equipment.

While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.

We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.

An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:

Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."

Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"

Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."

Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"

Man: "I’m telling everybody!"

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?

Cremation.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

These jokes are old, come up with something new!