Object jokes

What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?

Both are not a lamp.

What's the difference between a little boy and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.

How is an orphan like a boomerang?

They always come back!

The average stripper weighs 112 lbs.

According to the pole 💈.

What's the difference between an orphan's parents and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.

What did one chair say to the other?

"I'm so bummed out!"

What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.

Your forehead is so clear, like the Liberty Bell manual in 1876.

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick :)

What did the knife say to the other knife?

"Knife to meet you."

What do a bike and a rubber duck have in common? They both have a handlebar, except for the duck.

One day, a kid walks up to their mom and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head." The second kid asks, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a butterfly landed on your head." Then you hear, "Ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf."

"Shut up, Brick!"

What’s the difference between a baby and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator doesn’t squeal when I put my meat in it.

So, my mom looked in the mirror today, and we need a new one.

2 weeks here.

What do dicks and popsicles have in common?

They both like to be sucked on, and they sometimes choke you.

I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt, and guess what's inside it!

What did the pencil say to the piece of paper? You FLAT.

What did the spoon say to the pancake batter? You THICK.

Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.

What is the difference between your dad and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.

Our teacher told us to write a story about the life of an object that's not alive, so I wrote a story about an emo kid.