What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?
Your dad.
Object Jokes
What's long, hard, and slimy?
A bar of soap.
Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.
Why didn't the chair cross the road? Because it was a chair.
Your mama so fat when she stepped on a scale it said, "Ma'am, take the bowling ball off of the scale!"
What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?
I don’t microwave forks.
I wish that when Mario dies to some random object, I died too.
2 weeks here.
What do dicks and popsicles have in common?
They both like to be sucked on, and they sometimes choke you.
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
A: Because they come back, unlike their parents.
What's the difference between an orphan's parents and his boomerang?
One of them actually came back.
What is the difference between an orphan and a candle?
One is used.
That joke and paper have one thing in common: they're both tearable.
What's red and white and goes 250 miles per hour?
A baby in a blender ;)
What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.
My favorite bath bomb is a toaster.
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
What's the difference between a little boy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.
How is an orphan like a boomerang?
They always come back!
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
