Object jokes
How do you call a cute door?
A-door-able.
What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?
Your dad.
What's long, hard, and slimy?
A bar of soap.
Why didn't the chair cross the road? Because it was a chair.
I gave my friend some paper. It cut his wrists.
Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.
Your mama so fat when she stepped on a scale it said, "Ma'am, take the bowling ball off of the scale!"
What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?
I don’t microwave forks.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your dick into someone's asshole.
I wish that when Mario dies to some random object, I died too.
What's the difference between an orphan's parents and his boomerang?
One of them actually came back.
What is the difference between an orphan and a candle?
One is used.
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
A: Because they come back, unlike their parents.
That joke and paper have one thing in common: they're both tearable.
What's red and white and goes 250 miles per hour?
A baby in a blender ;)
My favorite bath bomb is a toaster.
What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.
What does a condom and a coffin have in common?
They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...
What’s pink, rusty, and covered in cobwebs?
Madeline McCann's bike.