Object jokes

What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

The boomerang comes back.

What goes inside and comes out wet?

I lost my bag. :(

People are like trees. They fall when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

I had a dream about being forced to eat a huge marshmallow.

I woke up and my pillow was gone.

What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.

Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?

Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.

Student: Ok!!

Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?

Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.

Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.

Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.

I'm doing a new thing where you say an object in the comments, and I will try to make a joke based off the object.

If you are interested, you can submit an object in the comments.

I will give the person credit each joke I do.

What’s the difference between a microwave and a 10 year old girl?

The microwave doesn’t fart out blood and diarrhea when you pull your meat out.

What do you call a cute door?

I finally got a girlfriend.

Her name is Remington Model 32.

What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?

Both are not a lamp.

What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.

I sat on a chair.

Can a box match? No, but a tin can.

Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.

I keep it in a jar on my desk.

If I had a dollar for every gender, I would only have one dollar because women are objects and men are superior.

What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?

A seatbelt.

I wondered why the ball was getting bigger... then it hit me.