Object jokes
Yo mama is so fat, a picture of her would fall off the wall.
What hits the ground first, an apple or an emo girl?
The rope would catch her.
How do you call a cute door?
A-door-able.
What's long, hard, and slimy?
A bar of soap.
Why didn't the chair cross the road? Because it was a chair.
I gave my friend some paper. It cut his wrists.
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
A: Because they come back, unlike their parents.
What's the difference between an orphan's parents and his boomerang?
One of them actually came back.
What is the difference between an orphan and a candle?
One is used.
Your mama so fat when she stepped on a scale it said, "Ma'am, take the bowling ball off of the scale!"
I wish that when Mario dies to some random object, I died too.
What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?
I don’t microwave forks.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your dick into someone's asshole.
That joke and paper have one thing in common: they're both tearable.
What's red and white and goes 250 miles per hour?
A baby in a blender ;)
What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.
My favorite bath bomb is a toaster.
What does a condom and a coffin have in common?
They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.
What’s pink, rusty, and covered in cobwebs?
Madeline McCann's bike.
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...