Object jokes

What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?

Your dad.

Why didn't the chair cross the road? Because it was a chair.

How do you call a cute door?

A-door-able.

Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.

I gave my friend some paper. It cut his wrists.

Your mama so fat when she stepped on a scale it said, "Ma'am, take the bowling ball off of the scale!"

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly your dick into someone's asshole.

What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?

I don’t microwave forks.

I wish that when Mario dies to some random object, I died too.

2 weeks here.

What do dicks and popsicles have in common?

They both like to be sucked on, and they sometimes choke you.

What is the difference between an orphan and a candle?

One is used.

Why do orphans like boomerangs?

A: Because they come back, unlike their parents.

What's the difference between an orphan's parents and his boomerang?

One of them actually came back.

That joke and paper have one thing in common: they're both tearable.

What's red and white and goes 250 miles per hour?

A baby in a blender ;)

What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.

What does a condom and a coffin have in common?

They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.

My favorite bath bomb is a toaster.

What’s pink, rusty, and covered in cobwebs?

Madeline McCann's bike.

What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...