Object jokes
What hits the ground first, an apple or an emo girl?
The rope would catch her.
I forgot what a boomerang was. Oh well, it’ll come back to me.
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
Yo mama is so fat, a picture of her would fall off the wall.
What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?
Your dad.
What's long, hard, and slimy?
A bar of soap.
What is the difference between an orphan and a candle?
One is used.
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
A: Because they come back, unlike their parents.
What's the difference between an orphan's parents and his boomerang?
One of them actually came back.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your dick into someone's asshole.
What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?
I don’t microwave forks.
Your mama so fat when she stepped on a scale it said, "Ma'am, take the bowling ball off of the scale!"
I wish that when Mario dies to some random object, I died too.
What’s pink, rusty, and covered in cobwebs?
Madeline McCann's bike.
That joke and paper have one thing in common: they're both tearable.
What's red and white and goes 250 miles per hour?
A baby in a blender ;)
What does a condom and a coffin have in common?
They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.
My favorite bath bomb is a toaster.
What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...