Object jokes
What do you call a cute door? A-door-able!
What do you call a legless table? Nothing.
What's the difference between an orphan's parents and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
A penguin and a polar bear are sitting in a bathtub. The penguin asks the polar bear, "Hey, can you pass the soap?" The polar bear obliges.
A few moments later, the penguin asks, "Hey, can you pass the scrubber?" The polar bear does. Shortly after that, the penguin says, "Hey, can you pass the rubber ducky?"
The polar bear, beginning to become upset, turns to the penguin and says, "What do you think I am? A radio?!"
Yo mama is so ugly, the sunglasses walked away.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your dick into someone's asshole.
What's the difference between a baby and a ball?
If you inflate the ball, it won't explode.
What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?
One is gigantic, the other is just a little lighter.
What's red and really bad for your teeth? A brick.
You suck harder than a vacuum ever will :)
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.
What's the difference between a knife and me?
One has a point.
How is an orphan like a boomerang?
They always come back!
Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?
What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.
Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.
What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.
What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.
Yo mama so stupid, she put a ruler under a pillow to see how long she slept.
What did one chair say to the other?
"I'm so bummed out!"