Object jokes
Two balls sit inside a bucket. One turned to another and said, "Hey man, boing, are you sentient, too?"
The other one said, "I’m sapient, you are sentient!"
BOINGZINGA!?!
What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?
Your dad.
What's long, hard, and slimy?
A bar of soap.
How do you call a cute door?
A-door-able.
Why didn't the chair cross the road? Because it was a chair.
Memes
Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.
What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?
I don’t microwave forks.
Your mama so fat when she stepped on a scale it said, "Ma'am, take the bowling ball off of the scale!"
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your dick into someone's asshole.
I wish that when Mario dies to some random object, I died too.
What is the difference between an orphan and a candle?
One is used.
What's the difference between an orphan's parents and his boomerang?
One of them actually came back.
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
A: Because they come back, unlike their parents.
That joke and paper have one thing in common: they're both tearable.
What's red and white and goes 250 miles per hour?
A baby in a blender ;)
What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.
My favorite bath bomb is a toaster.
What does a condom and a coffin have in common?
They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...
What’s pink, rusty, and covered in cobwebs?
Madeline McCann's bike.