Object jokes
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
Yo mama so fat that she broke the chair by sitting on it.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.
What's the difference between a baby and a ball?
If you inflate the ball, it won't explode.
What do an M&M and juice have in common?
Window.
New SCP has been found!
Enemy: You know, I saw you walking down the street, and at first glance, I thought you were a fat and ugly bitch.
Me: Strange... Who puts a mirror in the middle of the street?
When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.
A penguin and a polar bear are sitting in a bathtub. The penguin asks the polar bear, "Hey, can you pass the soap?" The polar bear obliges.
A few moments later, the penguin asks, "Hey, can you pass the scrubber?" The polar bear does. Shortly after that, the penguin says, "Hey, can you pass the rubber ducky?"
The polar bear, beginning to become upset, turns to the penguin and says, "What do you think I am? A radio?!"
How is an orphan like a boomerang?
They always come back!
Yo mama so stupid, she put a ruler under a pillow to see how long she slept.
I have a stepladder. My real ladder left for milk and never came back.
What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see them tumbling down the stairs.
Q: What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A: A bus full of children.
How are babies and watermelons similar?
They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.
What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?
A pool table.
Someone eats glue and tells the other, "Sorry, can't stick around!"
What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant lady?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What do a bike and a rubber duck have in common? They both have a handlebar, except for the duck.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
What's the difference between a knife and me?
One has a point.