Object jokes
An emo and a leaf fall from a tree, which hits the ground first?
The leaf, because the emo got caught by the rope.
What's long, hard, and slimy?
A bar of soap.
What kind of paper gets stuck to your foot?
DUH! A sticker.
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
Because they come back.
What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and a boomerang?
The boomerang is guaranteed to come back.
How do you fit a baby in a glass?
A blender.
How do you get it out?
Explosives!
What's yellow but can't swim?
A bus full of children.
What is the difference between me and a knife?
The knife has a point.
What can change color and get beat up?
You.
Yo mama so ugly, she looked in the mirror and it broke.
What's the same about boxes and children?
They're both found in basements.
Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?
Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.
Student: Ok!!
Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?
Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.
Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.
Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.
What's the difference between a baby and a brick?
A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? I take my shoes off when I jump on a trampoline.
What did the rope say to me?
"Hey there man, you wanna hang later?"
How do you fit 4 gay dudes on a stool?
Flip it upside down.
What did the pencil say to the piece of paper? You FLAT.
What did the spoon say to the pancake batter? You THICK.
You know why orphans like boomerangs?
Because they come back, unlike their parents.
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What's the difference between a little boy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.