Object jokes
I said to my wife that she's so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it never came back.
What is long, brown, and cures depression?
A noose.
What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?
One is gigantic, the other is just a little lighter.
What is red and shaped like a bucket?
A red bucket.
What's green and sticky?
... A stick.
When is a door not a door?
When it is ajar.
What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?
They both have cutting marks.
What falls and never gets hurt? Rain ☔
How do you fit a whale inside a car? A blender.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I love still things.
Sally has no arms. She fell off the swing. Why? Someone threw a fridge at her. AAHAHAAAHHAHAH!
I would tell a clock joke, but I don't have time.
How do you get ten babies in a bucket?
With a blender.
What is the difference between a human and a can?
A human can walk and a can cannot walk.
"Knife to meet ya."
Why are lamps so scared? Because someone might throw them away.
What ankle is getting cut off of school? The lights.
I had a dream about being forced to eat a huge marshmallow.
I woke up and my pillow was gone.