Object jokes
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how many you throw.
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
Q: What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A: A pool table.
What's grey and can't fly? A parking lot.
I wondered why the ball was getting bigger... then it hit me.
How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?
A blender.
How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.
What objects have the most gravitational force?
A Lambo and a gold digger.
I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"
That joke and paper have one thing in common: they're both tearable.
What do you call a cute door?
Adoorable.
What do a bike and a rubber duck have in common? They both have a handlebar, except for the duck.
If I had a dollar for every gender, I would only have one dollar because women are objects and men are superior.
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?
A pool table.
What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can only unload one of them with a pitch fork.
Q: How do you make a door cry?
A: Twist its knob.
What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is just a watermelon.
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
You're so small you went surfing on an ice lolly!