Object jokes
Dolly (DYM 79).
I wish that when Mario dies to some random object, I died too.
I got one of those.
What is tall when it's young but short when it's old?
A candle or a pencil!
Why did the stick fall?
Because he is a stick man.
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
Mirrors can’t talk; it’s sad that they can’t laugh at you!
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because she was crummy.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.
What has 1 head, 1 foot, and 4 legs? A bed.
What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
What's the difference between a dick and a rock?
One's hard.
Have any of you guys heard the classic airplane jokes? Here's a good example...
A farmer, a doctor, and a terrorist are on a plane. An engine fails, and they are going to crash, so the pilot asks everyone to throw out some items. The farmer threw out his apple harvest, the doctor threw out medical supplies, and the terrorist, (not needing a bomb apparently) threw out his briefcase of bombs. They still crashed, and they started walking to the nearest town. They passed a boy who was running. "Why are you running?"
"My dad got hit by a shiny red object and now he's bleeding!"
They three of them decide it's best to keep quiet, and continue. They then passed a crying girl, who said that her brother had been killed by a scalpel from heaven. They said nothing and continued. Finally, they see a boy laughing so much he is in tears. They ask him, "What's so funny?"
"Grandma farted and the house blew up!"
What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?
A dildo.
How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
Your forehead is so clear, like the Liberty Bell manual in 1876.
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
Because then they can play catch.
I think I am a boomerang because I always come back to you.
What is this?