Now jokes

As a kid, I used to eat a sour herb from a certain spot near a rock.

Now I pee on it, just following the ritual of Africa.

Hey woah man, and Alya how are you guys? Oh and hbu jk master? How is life right now? Is it hard? You wanna talk?

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"

The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"

A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)

I always say no to drugs, but considering that I'm talking to them right now, I probably already said yes.

I scanned an emo girl's arm the other day. Now I own her, only 3.99 with tax. That's a steal and a half, woopeeee!

Why are orphans running around the world after the baseball coach said, "Go home"?

Because he didn’t know what the hell to do.

On a winter day many play.

Some with snow, and I with ice Used as a device to slice Somehow I'm colder now.

What did the Titanic say to the people as it went down?

"I now nominate you to the ice bucket challenge!"

He entered (kindergarten) class. The teacher said, "Luce, start for us and say the alphabet." He said, "A B C D E F G H I J K *just kidding* L M N O." Laugh my nose off. The teacher said, "Go to the office right now, young man!" I don't understand, he just said jokes to the teacher, lmao :D

You can pick your friends and you can pick your 🤥 nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃.

Does it 🚲 🚲 🚲 cycle now?

🥫Wewo wewo, stop right now or we will be forced to stop your self.

No, not like you can ketchup!

So there was this guy who went swimming one day and got his left side bitten off by a shark.

But don't worry, he is all right now.

Me say, "Crack my finger."

My hubby crack my finger.

Now say it backwards.

The longer the relationship, the longer the breakup will hurt you. Better break up now ooo.🤣

Thank you, anonymous user, for helping me with math a few months ago.

Now I got a 31 on the ACT.

"Come on now, gay jokes aren't funny."

Where are you right now?

Looking at a fake joke? You are a waste of time and space.

"Where ya going?"

"When I die, hell, but right now, my room."