Now Jokes

On a winter day many play.

Some with snow, and I with ice Used as a device to slice Somehow I'm colder now.

What did the Titanic say to the people as it went down?

"I now nominate you to the ice bucket challenge!"

He entered (kindergarten) class. The teacher said, "Luce, start for us and say the alphabet." He said, "A B C D E F G H I J K *just kidding* L M N O." Laugh my nose off. The teacher said, "Go to the office right now, young man!" I don't understand, he just said jokes to the teacher, lmao :D

You can pick your friends and you can pick your 🤥 nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃.

Does it 🚲 🚲 🚲 cycle now?

🥫Wewo wewo, stop right now or we will be forced to stop your self.

No, not like you can ketchup!

We are getting rather close guys.

The image shows a screenshot of a news article about a clock in New York that now displays the time remaining instead of the current time. Below is the Tom cat from Tom and Jerry looking confused with the text "hol up".

So there was this guy who went swimming one day and got his left side bitten off by a shark.

But don't worry, he is all right now.

Me say, "Crack my finger."

My hubby crack my finger.

Now say it backwards.

The longer the relationship, the longer the breakup will hurt you. Better break up now ooo.🤣

Thank you, anonymous user, for helping me with math a few months ago.

Now I got a 31 on the ACT.

"Come on now, gay jokes aren't funny."

Where are you right now?

Looking at a fake joke? You are a waste of time and space.

"Where ya going?"

"When I die, hell, but right now, my room."

Man: Could you hold this for me?

Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*

Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!

A man lost his left arm.

He's all right now.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Control freak.

Con...

Ok, now you say, "Control freak who?"

What's the different when a little boy drops in Japan then and now?

When a little boy falls today he gets back up. But then everyone fell and never came back up.

Attention to everyone, I'm not going to be on for 2 weeks because I was in a bike accident, or more like a motorcycle accident. I was ran off the road when my 16 year old brother was taking me for a ride. Now I can't use my legs cause, well, you know. I will be taking a break because I don't want to move my legs that much.

Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.

Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?

Class: A cow says mo mo.

Teacher: Good.

Teacher: What does a sheep make?

Class: A sheep says maa maaa.

Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?

Little Johnny: A pig says "Put your hands up and get agenst the wall you black mother fucke*."

1st graders: Ay yo girl, I think you’re beautiful, let’s get married!!

2nd graders: Uhh, don’t tell my mom that we’re dating!! She won’t let me date! Let’s keep this a seeeeecret heeheehee.

3rd graders: Uh, my teacher told me to stay after school because I wrote a poem about you and I’m 9 years old, we have to break up, sweetie.

4th graders: Hey, I think you’re cute!! Wanna date? I don’t think my girlfriend will mind.......

5th graders (they start wearing makeup): Ay girl, your eyelashes are pretty, I like you now, wanna date? Here’s my numberrrrrr.

6th graders: Heyyyyy, I gotta tell you a secret, I got a crush on you!! Don’t tell anyone!! Byeee, ooh, I’ll text you later!

7th graders: We need to make Peyton jealous because she broke up with you!! Wanna date? I mean, you’re not hot, but still, great personalityyyyy, alright, bye now.

8th graders: Hi sweetheart, I got STARRRBUCKKKSSS

Me: UGLY AF AND LITERALLY NO BOYFRIEND.....