Where are the best shooting ranges in America? Used to be in schools, but now in subways.
When I'm bored, I text a random number, "I hid the body... now what?"
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question, can go home." A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I'm going home now."
"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared." "It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"
Now that Stephen Hawking is dead the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.
Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery but toady is a gift that is why it I called the present.
My friend David lost his ID. Now he is just Dav.
Nnnbgfdddddrr
the past, present, and future walked into a bar. it was tense
hes dead now
To whoever stole my antidepressants I hope you are happy now
I kicked a soccer ball at the kid in the wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them, and now it’s a sensitive subject.
Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got the see either of them and they are now extinct
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
i was in cooking class and my teacher said - does anyone know what a chopping board is similar to?
me and my friend just glanced at each other and burst out laughing.
long story short the teacher understood the joke and now we are both in daily therapy 😭💀
jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter
My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait
