Now jokes
When I'm bored, I text a random number, "I hid the body... now what?"
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.
Life's a bitch, and then you die. I now see what they mean.
Craig's name is now Craig William Duncan "Froo."
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I'm going home now."
Mr. Smith: Neona, tell us what you have for the biggest competition that we can do to keep our competitors out of the winning streak?
Neona: Will thought we used more sales and more advertising.
Mr. Smith: It's already a good idea. Now what about the business plan? We need it as recommendations to keep the business going. Tell me, what do you have in mind?
Neona: It is better to always have a plan. I was thinking that we can get higher prices and always get great deals. The people will go nuts for a great deal!
Mr. Smith: Perfect. Now let's take a 5 minute break.
Mr. Smith: Ok, 5 minutes is up! Now Neona, I know you are an intern, but what are the best things we can do for the company?
Neona: Hmm...let's see...will we can start with all the things people love! If this is going to work then we have have to......
He entered (kindergarten) class. The teacher said, "Luce, start for us and say the alphabet." He said, "A B C D E F G H I J K *just kidding* L M N O." Laugh my nose off. The teacher said, "Go to the office right now, young man!" I don't understand, he just said jokes to the teacher, lmao :D
Two ropes meet. They ask each other, "Why are you wearing a hijab?" The other replies, "I want to go into the water now."
What's the different when a little boy drops in Japan then and now?
When a little boy falls today he gets back up. But then everyone fell and never came back up.
I got a GTR yesterday, now my kids say, "GTR we there yet?"
Y'know, I never knew Obi-Wan Kenobi participated in an anime, "Snow White with the Red Hair," up until now.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knock, knock." "Knock, knock who?" "Can you let me in now?"
Kid finds genie lamp, wishes to be Batman.
Genie: You're now an orphan.
Yo mama's so fat, she was overthrown by a small militia group, and now she's known as the Republic of Yo Mama.
You can pick your friends and you can pick your 🤥 nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃.
Does it 🚲 🚲 🚲 cycle now?
Every one is talking about glory holes, so I decided to look into one.
I was doing renovations on a house and found a wall with a glory hole. I was going to remodel it, but it's load bearing. I asked a gay carpenter how to fix this, and he advised that I check out the studs first to make sure they were uncut.
Eventually, I gave up and just put my nuts through the hole. Now they're walnuts.
The only thing the orphan learned from his dad is the hide-and-seek skill to hide for 18 years. He tried it out; now he has infinite milk.
What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?
"It won't be long now..."