Now jokes
Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.
My peepee was big, now it's small.
Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.
Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.
A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"
🇻🇪 Finally, I am a trillionaire. Now I can buy bread.
Memes
From now on, we’re gonna call shitting the bed an “Amber Alert.”
I got a GTR yesterday, now my kids say, "GTR we there yet?"
Twin monks who ring the church bells died.
Now they are dead ringers. :)
What is Meat Loaf's new name now that he has passed?
Ground beef.
Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?
Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.
Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.
Life's a bitch, and then you die. I now see what they mean.
Jonny went fishing and he didn’t know how to cast his pole, and he asked his friend Joe how to cast it. Then when he cast, he only cast 3 feet, and he never learned how to do it.
What is Osama bin Laden singing right now?
*cue the little mermaid* "Undaaa the sea, undaaa the sea"
Yo, edgeline go so far back that I can now mow a lawn perfectly.
Less depresso, more espresso, I'm still depressed, but now I'm fast.
"Aren't you going back home now?"
"No, I am going back home."
So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.
If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.
Ariana-Chat now!
"Na na na na now na na na na now."
"I know, you have a lot on your plate right now."