Now Jokes

From now on, we’re gonna call shitting the bed an “Amber Alert.”

I got a GTR yesterday, now my kids say, "GTR we there yet?"

Twin monks who ring the church bells died.

Now they are dead ringers. :)

What is Meat Loaf's new name now that he has passed?

Ground beef.

Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?

Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.

Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.

God is you... If you have a dog

A golden retriever puppy is sitting and looking up at the camera. The puppy has a cute expression. The puppy's feet are not in view. Two gray slippers are visible at the bottom of the image. The text says, "I taught Luna to sit. She was SO thrilled with the praise she got, that now, every time I turn around this is what I see. My heart!!!"

Life's a bitch, and then you die. I now see what they mean.

Jonny went fishing and he didn’t know how to cast his pole, and he asked his friend Joe how to cast it. Then when he cast, he only cast 3 feet, and he never learned how to do it.

What is Osama bin Laden singing right now?

*cue the little mermaid* "Undaaa the sea, undaaa the sea"

Yo, edgeline go so far back that I can now mow a lawn perfectly.

Less depresso, more espresso, I'm still depressed, but now I'm fast.

"Aren't you going back home now?"

"No, I am going back home."

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

Ariana-Chat now!

"Na na na na now na na na na now."

"I know, you have a lot on your plate right now."

I just wanted to say whoever is a faker pretending to be me, that you are literally ruining my life right now. And I can literally not take this right now in life and that I just want peace so please, please stop.