Now jokes
You have been a bad boy, so now I will have to pun-ish you!
Q: You know what's morbid at a storage sale?
A: They give you more bids.
Did you hear about the new doggy condos?
Apparently they are now releasing!
Craig's name is now Craig William Duncan "Froo."
Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."
when ur bored in class so u post this and people start comenting the best shit
Jonny went fishing and he didn’t know how to cast his pole, and he asked his friend Joe how to cast it. Then when he cast, he only cast 3 feet, and he never learned how to do it.
Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?
Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.
What is Osama bin Laden singing right now?
*cue the little mermaid* "Undaaa the sea, undaaa the sea"
Why do people hate Velma now?
Because she joined the Dark Side.
I set a gay person on fire. We now call him LGBBQ.
There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.
When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.
The doctor said, "You're all right now."
Why did the orphan stop playing baseball?
Because baseball has a home, and an orphan does not.
Laugh now.
When you see your mom.
Me: bruh
Her: Are you serious right now bro?
Me: Yeah no shit.
Her: *slaps me*
The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.
That’s like 20 years from now, I said.
He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.
Less depresso, more espresso, I'm still depressed, but now I'm fast.
"Aren't you going back home now?"
"No, I am going back home."
Yo, edgeline go so far back that I can now mow a lawn perfectly.
Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?
Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.
Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.
From now on, we’re gonna call shitting the bed an “Amber Alert.”
Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.