Now jokes
A house has a crack. A guy covers it with Plaster of Paris.\n\nHouse: "Where the heck am I supposed to do my shit now?"
Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.
There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.
When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.
The doctor said, "You're all right now."
The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.
That’s like 20 years from now, I said.
He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.
Why do people hate Velma now?
Because she joined the Dark Side.
when ur bored in class so u post this and people start comenting the best shit
Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?
Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.
Why did the orphan stop playing baseball?
Because baseball has a home, and an orphan does not.
Laugh now.
What is Osama bin Laden singing right now?
*cue the little mermaid* "Undaaa the sea, undaaa the sea"
Yo, edgeline go so far back that I can now mow a lawn perfectly.
Less depresso, more espresso, I'm still depressed, but now I'm fast.
"Aren't you going back home now?"
"No, I am going back home."
Jonny went fishing and he didn’t know how to cast his pole, and he asked his friend Joe how to cast it. Then when he cast, he only cast 3 feet, and he never learned how to do it.
You have been a bad boy, so now I will have to pun-ish you!
Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.
I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.
My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!
My peepee was big, now it's small.
Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.
Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.
Craig's name is now Craig William Duncan "Froo."
So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.
If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.
🇻🇪 Finally, I am a trillionaire. Now I can buy bread.