Now jokes

Harry Potter is now Harry Orphan.

Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."

Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."

Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."

Teacher: "*stands up*"

Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."

Once I threw the ball at a wheelchair kid. Now we are playing Rocket League! :D

"Wubba Lubba Dub Dub" is one way to describe how my inner child acts, but yesterday I killed them. Now I hear "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," I’m drowning in the tub.

I am starting a frog cult now!

As we speak now, someone is making arrangements for December with your girlfriend.

I threw my boomerang and now I live in constant fear.

Genders are a lot like the Twin Towers.

There used to be two, but now it’s just a sensitive topic.

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

Me: Am actually happy right now.

Life: Lol one sec.

What goes up stairs but doesn't move? Stairs! Laugh now!

Laugh Now!

Q. What kind of school does an ice cream man go to?

A. Sunday school!

Psst! Don't understand? Well, "Sunday" sounds like "Sundae." Get it now? Nope? Sorry. Plus, it's an ice cream homophone joke.

What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?

"It won't be long now..."

What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?

"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"

Get it?

Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?

Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.

Why have kids? Just go get one now, no nine-month delay.

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.

This is a big joke, so yeah, you can't tell me what to do. This joke is funny, so laugh, okay?

Now that you're done laughing, let me say a joke... Get it? There was no joke! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahhaha lololol so funny, I'm ninja!

"Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild." He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!