Now jokes
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.
Now we call him hot wheels.
Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?
Dad: Sure, Alex!
Dad: We're here!
Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!
Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!
Are you serious right now, bro?
sad sad sad
now you laugh and like
thank you!
She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.
Bluey
Now why an office supply keep rape videos, to make sure it was on tape?
Harry Potter is now Harry Orphan.
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
For every dollar a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents.
That’s unfair! Now the man only has 30 cents!
You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????
Genders are a lot like the Twin Towers.
There used to be two, but now it’s just a sensitive topic.
Roses are red, my toaster too,
Oh shit, I've burnt the house down, what do I do?
A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"
My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.
Laugh Now!
Me: Am actually happy right now.
Life: Lol one sec.
What goes up stairs but doesn't move? Stairs! Laugh now!
Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?
Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.
Why have kids? Just go get one now, no nine-month delay.
Q. What kind of school does an ice cream man go to?
A. Sunday school!
Psst! Don't understand? Well, "Sunday" sounds like "Sundae." Get it now? Nope? Sorry. Plus, it's an ice cream homophone joke.