Now jokes
sad sad sad
now you laugh and like
thank you!
For every dollar a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents.
That’s unfair! Now the man only has 30 cents!
You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????
My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.
(Again, credits to my really funny friend)
Y'know, I never knew Obi-Wan Kenobi participated in an anime, "Snow White with the Red Hair," up until now.
I threw my boomerang and now I live in constant fear.
A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"
Genders are a lot like the Twin Towers.
There used to be two, but now it’s just a sensitive topic.
Harry Potter is now Harry Orphan.
Now why an office supply keep rape videos, to make sure it was on tape?
Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?
Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.
Why have kids? Just go get one now, no nine-month delay.
Roses are red, my toaster too,
Oh shit, I've burnt the house down, what do I do?
What goes up stairs but doesn't move? Stairs! Laugh now!
Laugh Now!
Q. What kind of school does an ice cream man go to?
A. Sunday school!
Psst! Don't understand? Well, "Sunday" sounds like "Sundae." Get it now? Nope? Sorry. Plus, it's an ice cream homophone joke.
What did the dog say when he got its tail caught in the door?
"It won't be long now..."
My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.
Me: Am actually happy right now.
Life: Lol one sec.
What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?
"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"
Get it?